The Complete Office Golf - Softcover

Driven by a less nimble wit or by an aficionado less fluent in the mysteries of the Royal and Ancient Game, The Complete Office Golf might have whiffed on the tees, but David Owen's cleverness and golfing jones conspire to extend and keep on course what is essentially a single joke. He begins with a premise that all golfers understand: the only reason to work is to earn the cash needed to support your golfing habit. And there's the conundrum; since most people have to work at exactly the best golfing hours, and since when they're not working courses tend to be the most crowded, they need to find a way to bring their game to the office with them. But how? Owens supplies a fully illustrated, often hilarious instruction manual.

Played on carpets, in conference rooms, around water coolers, behind potted plants, from sand-filled ashtrays, and between desks, Office Golf is a challenging enterprise. Consider, for instance, the problems presented by various floor coverings; from hardwood and linoleum to level-loop pile carpet and saxony plush, Owens offers tips for how to master them. Balls? If you forgot your wound balata and don't have a whiffle or Ping-Pong ball handy, Owens instructs you on how to properly engineer one by crushing a sheet of paper. He teaches you how to design a proper course--Office Golf even supplies the holes--and sneak your clubs in without the boss noticing, codifies rules and etiquette, and even addresses the "Inner Game." "Office Golfers often set unreasonably high expectations for themselves," he cautions. "When they fail to meet those expectations, they feel disappointed, perhaps even suicidal. This is foolish." Office Golf may be foolish too, but it will keep you smiling, which certainly shatters par for most nine-to-five enslavements. --Jeff Silverman

Thank God It's Monday!

CARPET GRAIN, POTTED GORSE, AND THE PLEASURES OF A BOARDROOM DOGLEG

Sanctioned by the O.O.G.A. (Official Office Golf Association), here is everything the employed golfer needs to transform hallways into fairways and water coolers into water hazards. Includes full instructions and rules, dozens of illustrations, punch-out holes, a historical time line, and strategies for not getting caught by non-playing managers. Because what you do for a living shouldn't get in the way of what you do to feel alive.

THE DOOR LOB

Shooting past the office of an unsympathetic executive takes confidence, and it should never be attempted on uncarpeted floors. If you don't think you can pull it off, either take your chances on going low or settle for a different route to the hole.

SPOTTING FELLOW OFFICE GOLFERS

The 26 tell-tale signs. Common hand signals used to convene a foursome. Take Our Putters to Work Day.

COURSE DESIGN & CONSTRUCTION

The teeing ground. Cubicle holes and CEO holes. The six foot rule.

TURF MANAGEMENT

Hardwood, marble, tile, linoleum, cut Berber, Saxony Plush, level-loop pile, and shag. Carpet grain and the art of vacuuming. How to make your own Stimpmeter.

EQUIPMENT & ACCESORIES

Couchies, fiscus woods, and the wall wedge. Club concealment. Swing oil.

FUNDAMENTALS

Putt or chip? Essential shots, including the sofa-cushion explosion and ceiling carom.

SPORTSMANSHIP & THE RULES

Searching for balls. Searching for players. Glass hazards, including fire alarm boxes. Dents, divots, dings, and scrapes.

Includes 9-HOLE OFFICE GOLF COURSE

Tee-time is now: Bound into the book are 9 color punch-out, reusable golf holes; an Official Office Golf Association membership card; a customized bag tag; and three O.O.G.A. scorecard templates.